it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
