Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
