Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
