maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
