woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
