how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
