did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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