thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
