I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
