I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
