Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Im part way to drunk.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
