Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
