Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
