sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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