ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
