My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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