I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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