He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
