They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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