i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize