I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
