i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
