Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hippo gnu deer
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
