a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
