um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
