Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
