Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
