Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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