I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
