Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You are the jesus of drinking
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
