Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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