i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
