i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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