Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
