I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
