Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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