I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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