Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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