We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
