All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
