Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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