You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
