Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
