I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
