I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
