took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
