dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
