you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
