I looked at my own cervix.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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