I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
