Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
