You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The beer is more important than you right now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
