I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
