Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
