My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
only you would photoshop your dick
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
