i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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