I don't usually arrange sex via text message
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
